Dead at 27: Warning #2

Warning #2 that I should not work in a retail bank came in the form of an actual warning, a Final Written Warning, in fact (or FWW in cool bank terms).

So we have all of these special secret ways of doing things in a bank and one of them is opening. They say that opening the bank is the most dangerous time for bankers. Well, I started out in this grocery store bank and this was when Britney Spears was pregenant for the first time and I was young and I cared. It was big time gossip.

So I'm standing outside of the bank (still in the grcoery store) and the banker that's opening the branch is suppossed to throw a newspaper on the floor to signal to me that the bank is open. But Britney Spears is pregnant and I can't stop reading People and Us Weekly to save my life. To me, at the time, that was the greatest part about working in a grocery store bank: free reading material and gossip. Loved it.

I was reading for about thirty minutes when I decided that I should just walk into the bank. The opening banker didn't toss the paper and I just assumed that she forgot. We all forget, right? It wasn't her fault.

"Dude, you didn't throw the paper."

Opening banker: "That's because you were being TESTED."

BUSTED! My first major screwup with the bank and they put me on Final Written Warning, meaning that if I messed everything up again, I was out the door: no more free gossip magazines for Holly. FWW meant that I didn't get an "incentive bonus"

"But I don't get one anyway..."

and I also couldn't post to other positions that opened in the bank

"Bullshit. You never told me that you would test me."

Now it was pretty clear that a career with the bank wouldn't go any further than the retail side of things. And yet I stayed. I stayed for the gossip magazines and the lovely PA announcements that we were forced to read over the grocery store speakers.

Attention shoppers! We've got, um, shit. Which one was I reading? No... that's the old one dumbass. Here you do it. No! I did it last time! Fine! You getting coffee? Here, take a five outta my wallet and grab me one, willya? (clear throat) Attention Shoppers! Hey... wait... gimme a Chai Tea Latte instead. Click.